


Darcy's Rules for Life, No. 7

by Toshiba01



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 23:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1567457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toshiba01/pseuds/Toshiba01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone suggested ficlets based on the rules.  This is the result.  This work is inspired by:  Iron Man: Director of S.W.O.R.D. by<br/>Pookaseraph.  (Sorry I don't know how to link in the summary.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darcy's Rules for Life, No. 7

JARVIS had not initially been engineered to have feelings or a sense of humor but he was made to learn and adapt. He had also learned to prefer some things to others and that there was such a thing as irony. From these grew a sense of humor. He knew he had a basic protocol that involved protecting sir, it took a bit of learning to understand that that included saving Sir from himself. After the downfall of SHIELD, Sir had taken on the responsibility of privatizing world security through creating something new from the ruins. He hardly ate, slept, or bathed much to the annoyance of Maria Hill whose olfactory senses were outraged. Fortunately, Sir called on Thor and Dr. Foster to assist him in his efforts. With them came Ms. Darcy Lewis who managed Jane Foster’s life and laboratory. Upon meeting Sir, Ms. Lewis had begun to leave plates of food where Sir could see them and to try to persuade him (as she did with Dr. Foster) that eating, showering, and sleeping were among life’s non-negotiables. When this did not appear to work, she co-opted JARVIS and DUM-E. The plan was surprisingly effective.

DUM-E really liked DAR-C. She was unfailingly kind to the bot. She always asked how it was going and patted him on his . . . head. She even taught him how to high five which required a slight modification of his claw. He didn’t have feelings the way that humans did but he had figured out that he preferred some things to others and DAR-C was one of those things. Sir, aka TON-I, was his creator and . . . father. He had heard the word a few times but was not quite sure of all its nuances. JARVIS had tried to explain (in the small bits of code DUM-E could understand) that Sir was human and humans had feelings and emotions. Some were preferable. Some were not. Cursing and throwing wrenches and ratchets was not preferable. “Good boy, DUM-E” was. DUM-E didn’t really understand but he was learning. He recalled that JARVIS communicated that it was not preferable that Sir did not employ a “sleep” mode or hydration/cleaning mode over a lengthy period of time. DAR-C agreed and she gave DUM-E some instructions which were translated by JARVIS. DAR-C had shown DUM-E some video of alarms going off when something caught on fire. One of these was in a lab like Sir had. When the alarms went off, the sprinklers came on or someone came in with a fire extinguisher. In the end, all the people in the videos were happy because they had been saved. DAR-C said that if Sir went too long without proper hydration, cleaning, or “sleep,” he would catch on fire and be damaged. DAR-C said when he heard the alarm to put out TON-I so he didn’t get damaged from fire. DUM-E could do that. DUM-E whirled in agreement. DAR-C said he should spray TON-I and immediately go to the charging station and power down until JARVIS said otherwise. DUM-E would be able to help and be a superhero like Sir! 

The first time JARVIS sounded an alarm, DUM-E whirled into action dousing Tony with flame retardant before rolling away and shutting down. He never heard the rant that included words like “scrap heap,” “wine rack,” or “City College.” When he powered up again, DAR-C was there patting him and telling him what a good boy he had been. Sir, she said, was sleeping and she was off to buy a pair of new shoes commensurate with her new responsibilities as a newly hired lab manager for STARK Industries, with special responsibility for scientific nutrition, translation, and personal hygiene. And also because she was finally being paid having been hired by Maria Hill who was glad to find someone to babysit Stark so she could talk sensibly to him. Take that SHIELD. And HYDRA.

If JARVIS found all this deliciously funny, he never said a word.


End file.
